Its official. Cocaine and copious amounts of alcohol improve fertility rates by 100%.
Well, at least they did for me, although in all seriousness I couldn't recommend it for everyone. I mean who would have thought (after two and a half years of trying), that the day my husband's wayward and directionally-challenged swimmers would finally penetrate an unexpected escapee egg from my polycystic ovaries, would coincide with an unplanned party that turned a bit messy.
You have to give yourself a break sometime....I was trying to create the perfect zen-like atmosphere in my body to encourage the union of sperm and egg and all that jazz, but when you have all the warning signs that your 29th or 30th unwanted period is imminent on the day its due (back ache, stomach cramps, bloating, tender breasts), you kinda think -"Oh the hell with it! Tonight, Matthew, I'm going to get rip-roaringly drunk and forget that I've failed to conceive for yet another month!" Except I hadn't.
As it turned out.
Failed to conceive.
But will it be OK? I'll let you know once I've figured out the odds for myself.
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I am disgusted that you would broadcast your brazen immorality! This is the type of behaviour that is leading to an epidemic of Chav spawn, inundating our once proud country.
The intricacies of conception should be kept in the dark, as a delicate and unknowable act of mystery, between two mated souls, joined in true Christian union. Anything else is an abomination!
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